LET GO EGO II

 

This was posted in 2016 and after watching all of the ego maniacs wandering through our news media, our politicians and our celebrities, it is time for an average person to say to all of them, LET GO OF YOUR EGO! I have been amazed and truly disappointed at the brazen nature of people’s statements and acting like they are all that. I say, get off the soap boxes and get real with ourselves. Egos can get in the way of true recognition for a person’s talents. Let’s read this post again and maybe we can let it sink in…..we all bleed red and who are we to say hateful and spiteful speeches when the same spiteful person would not look so great under a microscope. Together we rise, divided we fall!

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TODAY THE WORDS are LET GO EGO. This one can be a very sensitive, two sided sword subject but here we go. Ego, oh ego, I might could get something accomplished it I let go of my ego! I say, however, we have attached a label to something and given it a “not so nice” name.

e·go /ˈēgō/ Noun

  1. A person’s sense of self-esteem or self-importance: “a boost to my ego”.
  2. The part of the mind that mediates between the conscious and the unconscious and is responsible for reality testing and a sense of…
In my opinion, the reference to self-esteem is more important than the self-importance and also pay attention to the mind section that deals with reality testing. Now let’s get real as I normally do. We, as humans, need a good self-esteem or as I had rather call it self confidence to give us a boost of courage to try things, take well thought out risks, and sometimes we have to fly by the seats of our pants. These elements have to be completed in the adventure of life. So in order to do those things, we have to possess some ego. The reference to a double edge sword is because it can cut both ways. At some point in some people’s lives, and I was in my past among that count, ego can become the enemy of life. We have some successes due to the good side of “ego” and unfortunately, if we are not careful; we flip the sword of ego to the “self-importance side”. We sometimes stop using the portion of ego that gives us a reality check and we can become self absorbed. Now, we have trouble; it has to be our way or the highway; our plan or no plan; our spotlight or no light at all; or me, me, me is the theme. This is now ego on the destructive side. When self-esteem is replaced by the other side of the sword, self-importance, what usually happens is non-productive action.

Let me give us a deeper thought on this….A crossroad if you please. We travel down the road of life, we struggle to find the right path, we get lost a few times on the road. We make this trip several times and each time we become more familiar with our destination. We start feeling confident, we move faster, we make better time each trip, and finally we know this road by heart and feel good about ourselves (in other words we have a healthy ego). Another trip down the same road, and we start feeling so confident and feel really strong about our talents and have this feeling that we can travel this road better than anyone else can travel and we get a little over confident (self important). Our mind starts shutting down on the reality check and we come to a crossroad and all of a sudden, even though we have traveled this road so many times, we take a different turn and guess what, we become lost all over again. Instead of asking a fellow traveler what is the way to go, we struggle and find our ego defeated by itself. God wants us to have confidence He has given us all we need to go down the road of life without getting lost, but if we do, He wants us to check His road map and get us going in the right direction.

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FEATURED BIBLE VERSE:

Proverbs 13:10 (#4 of 10 Bible Verses about Pride and Arrogance)

10Pride only breeds quarrels, but wisdom is found in those who take advice.

(c) copyright 2012-2018 Arline Lott Miller. The material here copyrighted, use only by permission. Third party material if known is sourced to origination for credit reference.

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R-E-S-P-E-C-T what it means to me.

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I keep this picture of Mother Theresa and I can’t remember where I saw it first but it keeps me in check about the meaning of true love. Also I have learned about respect for fellow human beings from her. If you have never read her background, google her story and it will astonish you of her dedication to serving others. I thought about the word respect and thought I would share some of my feelings about respect with all of you.

I come from a different generation than most of my readers but not all so some of you will remember having some of the same memories. I am not advocating a return to the world I grew up in but a few of those life philosophies could be revived to create a better world of respect and harmony. Before I visit my childhood, I found an excerpt about Respect for the Parent which is based on Respect for Themselves.

Respect For You, Respect For Themselves

When you earn your children’s respect, they also learn to respect themselves. Respect is so important because, without it, children can’t value themselves or others. Children who don’t respect themselves are more likely to drink alcohol, take drugs, have sex, and treat others badly. Children who lack self-respect simply don’t care about themselves or anyone else.

Children who have self-respect treat themselves well. They’re less likely to do harmful things, they make good choices, and they tend to act in ways that are in their own best interests. The benefits of teaching the value of respect early include children who:

  • Are happier, more successful, and have healthier relationships.
  • Are unselfish, considerate, caring, and generous.
  • Respect you and other influential adults.
  • Honor reasonable boundaries placed on them.
  • Are more likely to trust you and abide by your directives.

Contrary to the assertions of popular culture, when you act like parents you engender healthy respect, encourage caring relationships, and foster their positive development.

Be the Parent

Popular culture tells you that to be a good parent, you should be friends with your children. You should hang out with them, tell them anything, and treat them as equals. But when you’re friends with your children, you actually detract from the strength of your relationship and surrender your influence over them. When you become friends with your children, you give up your unique relationship with them because they have many friends, but they have only two (hopefully) parents.

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Now, back to the good ole days which were filled with fun and laughter, tears and fears, but also with a lot of respect to parents, family, neighbors, friends, traditions and conditions. Oh yes, there was discipline if disrespect was shown. It was usually quick and probably without much thought given. It worked off the theory, that it only takes one time if you put your hand on a hot stove to teach you not to touch it again. No, our parents didn’t stick our hands on hot stove but they worked up some heat on our rear ends. You, as a parent, can make the decision whether or not you will use discipline or not…..not my circus! What I can say, is whatever you say as a response to disrespect will forever implant the future actions of your children. If it is nothing but a verbal reprimand or time out or however you deem “respectful” of your child’s action, mean it and claim it. Do not be indecisive; be firm but respectful.

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I have made it a practice as I am sure many of you have practiced the same thing; I do not call a child stupid or even an adult. They may, and I may, do stupid things but to say someone is stupid is an insult to those mentally challenged and their actions out of their control. The person or even yourself can control our actions, words, and/or responses. We have the mental capacity to exercise R-E-S-P-E-C-T when interacting with others, both children and adults.

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To prevent hate is not to exercise hate. Who do we ever think we are in life that we can exercise disrespect for another human being? If someone is down on their luck, unhappy, unhealthy, or any other state of life, show respect and compassion. Count your blessings that you have been spared of this discomfort. In other words, Put A Little Love in Your Heart as the song says.

Put A Little Love In Your Heart (1969) lyrics:
Think of your fellow man
Lend him a helping hand
Put a little love in your heart
You see it’s getting late
Oh please don’t hesitate
Put a little love in your heart
And the world will be a better place
And the world will be a better place
For you and me
You just wait and to see
Another day goes by And still the children cry
Put a little love in you heart
If you want the world to know
We won’t let hatred grow
Put a little love in your heart
And the world will be a better plac
e And the world will be a better place
For you and me
You just wait and to see
Wait and see
Take a good look around
And if you’re look in’ down
Put a little love in your heart
I hope when you decide
Kindness will be your guide
Put a little love in your heart
And the world will be a better place
And the world will be a better place
For you and me
You just wait and see
Put a little love in your heart
Put a little love in your heart
Put a little love in your heart
Put a little love in your heart
I leave you with a little love from my heart to yours so don’t be selfish and pass it around. Live Life; Love Love; and Live Life to the Fullest by loving and giving until it hurts…..Arline Miller, blogger and Lover of Life
(C) Copyright 2012-2018 Arline Miller of Sipping Cups of Inspiration with all rights and privileges reserved. Third party material is sourced if known to original location for credit references.

LIFE IS A NEW DRESS II

Once in a while, I will hear from a reader who had the experience of a post really touching them. This is why I write the blog as it is not for fortune or fame, it is for moments like this one. I decided to bring it back to the forefront and see if more of you enjoy its meaning as well. Please feel free to comment on this or any blog that moves you or inspires you in your dreams…..Until We Read Again….Arline Miller, blogger

 

Photo courtesy of PROMGIRL
LIFE IS A NEW DRESS is the topic for the blog. I had a recent opportunity to share this thought with a young person about relationships and life. As I usually do, I compared relationships to something I can easily relate and felt you may enjoy this true to life analogy too.

Have you ever seen a dress or other piece of clothing in a store and thought immediately  this had to have been made with you in mind? As you looked at it hanging up, it was perfect. It would hang on your body exactly as it should and would compliment everything you liked about yourself. The length (or height) was a compatible match. The color was one that made you feel good about yourself and lightened your mood. It was dazzling on how easy it was to put on. It simply was the best dress and even though it was expensive and you might have to sacrifice to have it as your own, the sacrifice seemed worth it. You might have had to wait a time period before you could actually acquire it to take it home to be yours and yours alone.

 

While this thought may seem the ideal analogy of a relationship of love, I am not quite finished with this life lesson. Let’s go back to the store and acquire that relished dress. We buy it and with the highest anticipation, we leave the store where we first encountered this dress. The dress was placed in a bag to protect it but it got somewhat wrinkled from the bagging. You are disappointed by the wrinkling as this dress was perfect and a little resentment toward the clerk who should have taken better care of your prized possession. A little of the glittering desire seems to diminish and you have to consider how to get the wrinkles out. That is okay and once the dress has had a little time to hang, the wrinkles disappear and all is well again.

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You take painstaking effort to present yourself with proper hair, makeup and accessories to show off your newly acquired beautiful dress to anyone who will look and hear about how it was made for you. If anyone compliments your attire, you beam. If anyone doesn’t think it is the best thing you have ever put on, you write them off your friend’s list forever……and then it happens!

By accident, someone spills a drink on your beautiful dress. The stain, even though it is small, seems to take center stage and that is all you can see. You forget how the dress fits you to a tee, how everyone thinks it is wonderful, and how you feel in the dress. The stain, that dreadful stain has “ruined” your dress. Even though the stain is reversible and can be removed, do you let it spoil that perfect moment you first laid eyes on it? Do you allow this awkward moment to overwhelm you? Do you feel like throwing it away since it can never be pure and stainless again?

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Now, for the life lesson and how this moment and experience is similar to a new relationship in life. We meet someone and we feel they are perfect. That same desire and longing is present and we will sacrifice and do whatever we can to have the relationship we have longed for all of our lives. We begin to spend time with this person and even if it has a wrinkle or two, we overlook them and even hang them up for a while by backing away for a little space to give our hearts time to realize we still like this person and maybe even love them.

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You introduce them to your friends and some of your friends think they are the best thing that ever happened you. You beam from the compliments and sorely disagree with those who don’t click immediately with your newly found love.  And then it happens……it can be a multitude of life accidents that put a stain on your new relationship and many times, it is a misunderstanding or circumstances you cannot control. The stain appears and it is exactly the same as I described with the new dress. The same feelings can arise. You doubt if it was that perfect. You question if it fit that well after all and in many cases, you may consider throwing it away.

Final Thoughts: All of us will experience the stains of life. We have to learn to move past those episodes in our lives to remain excited and encouraged. The dress of life or a deep relationship can survive many stains and we have to remember that we would never feel true love or existence if we shy away from acquiring a love to protect ourselves from true reality of life. A good stain remover is having a great sense of humor and not to embed our minds in disappointment but invest ourselves in those fun and loving moments A NEW DRESS can bring. LIVE LIFE; LOVE LIFE; AND KEEP A GOOD STAIN REMOVER OF LAUGHTER ON HAND.

(C) COPYRIGHT 2012-2018 Arline Miller with all rights and privileges reserved. Third party material if source is known is referenced for credit. All photos are not exclusively the property of Sipping Cups unless stated

TIMES TO LIVE BY

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11 WAYS TO ENJOY LIFE MORE

 

1. Take Discovery Walks

In a piece for Tiny Buddha, lifestyle and happiness writer Izmael Arkin highly recommended taking what he calls “discovery walks” a couple times a week. “It is important to remember that there is always something new to be discovered in our everyday environments. Go on a walk and commit to finding 10 new interesting things,” Arkin wrote.

2. Take A New Class

Arkin also recommended signing up for a class in something you’re interested or curious about. “Push yourself to try new activities, even if you think they aren’t for you,” he wrote, noting that he recently took a Japanese tea-making class where he connected with people he normally would have never even met.

3. Seek Out Laughter

In a piece for MindBodyGreen.com, yoga instructor Dani Marie Robinson noted the importance of seeking out laughter in your day, whether it be texting a friend who makes you laugh, or even just checking out your favorite comedian on YouTube. “It’s impossible to feel the crippling burden of negative emotions while engrossed in laughter,” Robinson wrote. “It gives the mind and body a much needed reset and forces us into the moment. It is uplifting, energizing and oddly calming at the same time.”

4. Hug Someone

Robinson also sited studies that show a long embrace boosts oxytocin in our brains, meaning they genuinely have the power to elevate our moods. So if you’re ever feeling a little down, don’t be afraid to get a little TLC and hug somebody close to you.

5. Quit Comparing Yourself To Others

In a piece for Forbes, former journalist and behavioral expert Kare Anderson stressed that we should avoid comparing ourselves to others whenever possible. “As soon as you notice that you are feeling “less than” or “better than” others step back a moment emotionally. Save yourself from the twin pangs of torment,” Anderson wrote.

6. Say No To More Things

This is a personal tip, and it goes a little against the usual advise of “always say yes!” I have always found that one of the fastest ways to feel weighed down and unhappy is by over-committing ourselves and letting too much pile up on our plate. Pretty soon we’re a big ball of stress going from one obligation to the next, without any time to actually look around and smell the flowers. If you’re feeling over-extended, try taking one or two things off your agenda, or say no to the next thing that comes your way in favor of a little decompression time. I promise your mood will improve.

7. Schedule Self-Indulgence Time

This is another personal tip that goes hand-in-hand with the last one. If you’re a hyper-busy person, schedule in some down time for yourself! Whether it be the gym, drinks with friends, or just vegging out and binge watching some TV, make sure you’re scheduling in time for your own enjoyment, whatever that may be.

8. Phone A Friend

A study featured on Science Daily out of the University of Michigan found that while time spent on social media, like Facebook and Twitter, generally made study participants less happy, talking to a friend on the phone made them more happy. So close that laptop and pick up the phone!

9. Listen To Upbeat Music

According to a study featured in the Journal of Positive Psychology, research has shown that listening to upbeat music can genuinely make us happier. However, the study’s author notes that we shouldn’t start listening with the mentality of “am I happy yet?” and instead just let the experience take its course.

10. Get More Sleep

According to Harvard Medical School, there is a strong link between sleep and mood, but it probably doesn’t take a scientific study to tell you that it can be extremely difficult to feel good when you’re sleep deprived. I personally find it that my coping mechanisms go out the window after several days of minimal sleep, and always feel like an entirely new person once I’ve given my body the rest it needs.

11. Get A Plant

A study featured in The Guardian found that employees were generally happier and 15 percent more productive when there were plants in their work space. So take a cue from the study and add some green to your life! It’s a super small change that could make a noticeable difference.

There’s no secret formula to enjoying life. It’s often just about recognizing what’s making us unhappy and making moves to change it. So incorporate some or all of the above tips and embrace the good that follows!

 

 

I found this article to be a great reference guide on making the most out of life. One of the tips is to get a plant. At Christmas, my sister and brother in law gave us a palm tree. I researched on how to water it and was told it can grow very slowly. The first few months, I felt blessed it stayed green. Then I looked down in the middle about a month ago and saw frongs which were small and I thought the info was right, slow and steady as it goes. Well about a week ago when I went to water it, I was so shocked at the height of those new leaves. Wow, I see what #11 means as I was like a new Mom watching my baby grow.

Live Life; Love Life; and Live Life to the fullest by loving to the fullest!

(C) Copyright 2012-2018 Arline Miller with all rights and privileges reserved. Third Party Material is sourced, if known, to original location for credit references. 

INGREDIENTS IN A FRIEND

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Sometimes the best friend comes in a furry body, my daughter Missy and her best bud Luna.

TODAY THE WORDS are INGREDIENTS IN A FRIEND. I think I can speak on this subject very profoundly as I have been blessed with a great assortment of friends throughout my lifetime. Some have come and gone out of my life; some have been there for a lifetime; some are very close and we keep in touch; and some are my infrequent friends with whom I communicate rarely but they are still dear to me. In thinking about friends and a person who loves to cook, I thought I would come up with a recipe for those friends we can’t do without (kind of like chocolate cake) and this was my thoughts:

 


Recipe for a Friend Cake:

First, find a person or maybe they will find you.
Blend your likes and their likes and see if they mix together.
Stir up some fun and laughter.
Slow down the mixer and just chill.
Add some sugar and some seasonings as it has to be sweet but spicy.
If the batter starts to separate, stir it again as you want it all to stay together.
Pour it in a pan making sure you don’t leave any of it left behind.
Bake with love, caring, sacrifice and charity to each other.
Savor the taste of friendship and enjoy each bite of life.
If the slice breaks, do everything you can to put it back together.
And if you have to stop enjoying your friend cake, keep the memory of the taste.
The good times, the sad times, the silly times and the times you wish you could do over again.

The next time you start to make a new friend cake, make sure you have all of the ingredients for being a great friend to them. Live life; love life; and live life to the fullest by adding friends to your life and keep the dear friends you already have!

 

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Here is an excerpt from an interesting article about friendship:

 

The True Meaning Of Friendship by Alex Lickerman, MD

https://www.psychologytoday.com/experts/alex-lickerman-md

 

WHAT DRAWS PEOPLE TOGETHER AS FRIENDS?

  1. Common interests. This probably ties us closer to our friends than many would like to admit. When our interests diverge and we can find nothing to enjoy jointly, time spent together tends to rapidly diminish. Not that we can’t still care deeply about friends with whom we no longer share common interests, but it’s probably uncommon for such friends to interact on a regular basis.
  2. History. Nothing ties people together, even people with little in common, than having gone through the same difficult experience. As the sole glue to keep friendships whole in the long run, however, it often dries, cracks, and ultimately fails.
  3. Common values. Though not necessarily enough to create a friendship, if values are too divergent, it’s difficult for a friendship to thrive.
  4. Equality. If one friend needs the support of the other on a consistent basis such that the person depended upon receives no benefit other than the opportunity to support and encourage, while the relationship may be significant and valuable, it can’t be said to define a true friendship.

 

WHAT MAKES A FRIEND WORTHY OF THE NAME?

 

  1. A commitment to your happiness. A true friend is consistently willing to put your happiness before your friendship. It’s said that “good advice grates on the ear,” but a true friend won’t refrain from telling you something you don’t want to hear, something that may even risk fracturing the friendship, if hearing it lies in your best interest. A true friend will not lack the mercy to correct you when you’re wrong. A true friend will confront you with your drinking problem as quickly as inform you about a malignant-looking skin lesion on your back that you can’t see yourself.
  2. Not asking you to place the friendship before your principles. A true friend won’t ask you to compromise your principles in the name of your friendship or anything else. Ever.
  3. A good influence. A true friend inspires you to live up to your best potential, not to indulge your basest drives.

You can check out the friendly article by clicking on the link above.

 

FRIENDS COME IN ALL AGES, SIZES, COLORS AND SHAPES. Here is a little taste of friendships of long standing, endearing, funny, and friendships in family and friends.

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 FEATURED BIBLE VERSE:
Proverbs 18:24

A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.

(c) copyright 2012-2018 Arline Lott Miller. The material here copyrighted, use only by permission. Third party material sourced to original location for reference credit.

 

 

FIREWORKS YEAR ROUND ARE FREE

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HAPPY FOURTH OF JULY for all Americans! I woke up this morning thinking about how much money is spent on America’s Independence Day and all countries have holidays which have a big fireworks display for their finale. I have always loved fireworks and the colors in the sky, the anticipated explosion of spectacle along with the unexpected booms. However, this morning it seemed to hit me we are missing out on a year round display of fireworks provided by God and Nature (His assistant). There are not admittance fees to attend. It doesn’t have a start and end time clock as Nature is on the colorful display 24/7. We have to keep our eyes open and look for the free shows which are available.

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Wanda Hutto Medders shared this magnificent shot. 

Today I will give you an example for what to look for when craving some excitement and creative displays of lights and colors provided for your pleasure and delight. After the pictures, I want to share with you a life lesson if you want to keep reading. Sit back and enjoy the show, given to you by nature and some regular folks who know what I am about to show. You don’t have to wait for holidays as these shows are right out your back door.

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I have collected some photos that are mostly shot by amateurs but wow, what a display of colorful displays of delight and amazement. What a Natural Fireworks Show brought to you by Our Higher Power, the best artist ever!

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Missy Smith Haas my daughter is mesmerized by the amazing sunsets at her Dad’s home in Georgia

My message for celebrating this holiday and life: When we are blessed to have been awakened, start admiring the natural fireworks of life. Do not wait until someone has assembled a 30 minute to one hour of drama, excitement, and colorful show. There is an ongoing life fireworks show all around us. God gave us the ticket to not only view this magnificent show, God encourages us to view it and live it. It costs nothing but opening our eyes to Earth’s natural beauty and believe me, man has tried but has never managed to outdo The Masterpiece of Life itself.

Today, and everyday, wake up and look around.

What are the colors you see? Thank God as you have sight.

What are the sounds you hear? Thank God as you have your hearing.

What textures can you feel when you touch something? Thank God as you have feeling in your body.

What taste does your food and drink have? Thank God as you have your taste to appreciate the good taste and to know when something isn’t good.

What do you smell? Good or bad smells means another reason to Thank God as we love to smell the flowers but are given the bad smells to know when to take out the trash.

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CARDINAL IN THE PINES by Greg Miller

LIVE LIFE; LOVE LIFE; AND LIVE LIFE TO THE FULLEST by honoring God’s gifts to us in the most magnificent, colorful, delightful ways and they are not to be wasted but appreciated.

(C) Copyright 2012-2018 Arline Miller of Sipping Cups of Inspiration with all rights and privileges reserved. Third party material is sourced if known for credit references.

DO WE EXPECT EXPECTED HURT?

WHAT HAPPENS WHEN WE EXPECT EXPECTED HURT? I realize this is a seemingly absurd play on words, but please be patient as there is a good message to learn from this topic. I see so many young and even older people being hurt from relationships, and this is not saying I have been exempt from relationships gone wrong in the past. Maybe it is because I am older and hopefully a little wiser. The jury may be still out on that one; but I am hopeful on the verdict anyway. I thought I would share a thought on how we may set ourselves up by expecting to be hurt again; we place ourselves in the very situation to be hurt again.

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Let us look at this concept of expecting expected hurt in an abstract way as it will seem more impersonal and it may open some thought process otherwise blocked by emotions. I was diagnosed a few years ago with diabetes. Thankfully, due to a lot of life changes, it is managed. Each morning, I have to prick my finger to monitor my glucose. Even though it is a small prick from the end of my finger or the side of my thumb where nerves are abundant; it hurts more than I think a small prick should. Each morning, I know this prick will hurt and I expect it to hurt so for some reason, I have become accepting of this pain as I realize it is necessary for the purpose it serves. In a nutshell, since I expect pain; it seems more comfortable than a new kind of pain.

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I used this example for the definition of an “expected hurt” and now we can look at expected hurt in relationships. I am sharing a fictitious story, but it could be a real one, about a young lady in her early 40’s and from this story, I feel you can understand the “emotional set up” we can throw ourselves into if we aren’t careful. During this gorgeous lady’s marriage, her husband cheated on her. This devastated her and followed her after the divorce. The next event is the tie to this topic. Left vulnerable, she found attention by a man who showered affection and they became involved. She didn’t ask the right questions until she developed feelings for this man and the truth came out….He was married. The next year was filled with highs and lows; unfulfilled promises; statements of love; bouts of breaking up because he and his wife were talking and maybe working it out; and then he returns to start this vicious cycle again. I ask you now; are you feeling compassion for this lady; are you feeling anger for her seeing a married man; are you seeing yourself in her situation; or are you wanting to hit the guy over his head for cheating on his wife?

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I found a great except from a great article

Why Do You Keep Making the Same Relationship Mistake?

Imagine that you are going to a park to feed the ducks on the lake. You park your             car at the top of a hill. There is high grass going down the hill towards the lake. You don’t see a path through the grass, so you walk carefully down through the high grass. You feed the ducks and then head back up the hill. Of course, you walk on the same path through the high grass that you have just created. It wouldn’t make sense to struggle through the grass to make a new path.

     Then someone else comes to feed the ducks. They follow the same path that you took. And then someone else follows the same path. Before long, that is the path everyone takes down to feed the ducks.

Our neurons fire in the same way – once a path is carved through the “high grass” of our brains, it’s just the path that neurons follow.

To change our behavior means to change the neurons. Not an easy task, but not impossible, as you know if you’ve ever tried doing something new. The great psychoanalyst Stephen Mitchell gives us another image for this process. Let’s say you are a good tennis player, but you want to get better. You go for tennis lessons, and the pro has you hit the ball a few times and then tells you that your problem is the way you’re holding the racket. The pro shows you a different grip and practices with you for an hour.  Then new grip feels a little awkward, but you can feel that your strokes are stronger, more powerful when you get it right.

But then you go to play a game, and you’re completely off. You lose worse than you’ve ever lost before. You feel like an idiot. You go back to the pro and angrily describe the situation. More than likely, the pro will take a look at how you’re holding the racket, make a couple of small corrections, and then tell you that you have to get used to the new grip, but that soon you’ll be playing better than ever.

If you keep practicing the new grip (and if the pro knows her business), you’ll discover that she’s completely right. What initially felt new and awkward soon becomes familiar, comfortable and powerful.

When it comes to relationships, of course, it’s a little more complicated. But the principles are the same:

  • We are comfortable with familiar patterns, even when they cause us stress or pain. We therefore continue to repeat them, even when they do not get us where we want to go.
  • We often do not recognize what the patterns are, and we frequently cannot see where we step off onto the familiar path.
  • To change, we often need good advice, but we also need to remember to take change in small increments.
  • Small steps, like a small shift in the way we hold a tennis racket, can lead to significant change.
  • We also need to remember that even a tiny change often feels uncomfortable at first.
  • And finally, practice makes the change feel familiar. And then we have a new pattern that our neurons can follow – without even thinking about it.

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Now for the deeper thought……This is a very important and painful vision of how we, as humans, sometimes find it more comfortable, even as painful and hurtful as a situation like this can become. We accept it because for whatever reason; if we expect expected hurt; we find ourselves cushioned for the hurt. Believe me; it is coming when we set ourselves up. Why wouldn’t it be simpler to expect expected love and hold ourselves accountable for our own actions. Improve life by improving what we expect out of life. If you expect hurt; you will get hurt. If you expect love; you may get hurt as life has no guarantees but if you love yourself; you can love again.

 

 

Proverbs 28:26 KJV

Whoever trusts in his own mind is a fool, but he who walks in wisdom will be delivered.

(C) Copyright 2012-2018 Arline Miller with all rights and privileges reserved. Third party material and photos are sourced if known original location for credit references.