WHAT HAPPENS WHEN WE EXPECT EXPECTED HURT? I realize this is a seemingly absurd play on words, but please be patient as there is a good message to learn from this topic. I see so many young and even older people being hurt from relationships, and this is not saying I have been exempt from relationships gone wrong in the past. Maybe it is because I am older and hopefully a little wiser. The jury may be still out on that one; but I am hopeful on the verdict anyway. I thought I would share a thought on how we may set ourselves up by expecting to be hurt again; we place ourselves in the very situation to be hurt again.
Let us look at this concept of expecting expected hurt in an abstract way as it will seem more impersonal and it may open some thought process otherwise blocked by emotions. I was diagnosed a couple of years ago with diabetes. Thankfully, due to a lot of life changes, it is managed. Each morning, I have to prick my finger to monitor my glucose. Even though it is a small prick from the end of my finger or the side of my thumb where nerves are abundant; it hurts more than I think a small prick should. Each morning, I know this prick will hurt and I expect it to hurt so for some reason, I have become accepting of this pain as I realize it is necessary for the purpose it serves. In a nutshell, since I expect pain; it seems more comfortable than a new kind of pain.
I used this example for the definition of an “expected hurt” and now we can look at expected hurt in relationships. I am sharing a fictitious story, but it could be a real one, about a young lady in her early 40’s and from this story, I feel you can understand the “emotional set up” we can throw ourselves into if we aren’t careful. During this gorgeous lady’s marriage, her husband cheated on her. This devastated her and followed her after the divorce. The next event is the tie to this topic. Left vulnerable, she found attention by a man who showered affection and they became involved. She didn’t ask the right questions until she developed feelings for this man and the truth came out….He was married. The next year was filled with highs and lows; unfulfilled promises; statements of love; bouts of breaking up because he and his wife were talking and maybe working it out; and then he returns to start this vicious cycle again. I ask you now; are you feeling compassion for this lady; are you feeling anger for her seeing a married man; are you seeing yourself in her situation; or are you wanting to hit the guy over his head for cheating on his wife?
Now for the deeper thought……This is a very important and painful vision of how we, as humans, sometimes find it more comfortable, even as painful and hurtful as a situation like this can become. We accept it because for whatever reason; if we expect expected hurt; we find ourselves cushioned for the hurt. Believe me; it is coming when we set ourselves up. Why wouldn’t it be simpler to expect expected love and hold ourselves accountable for our own actions. Improve life by improving what we expect out of life. If you expect hurt; you will get hurt. If you expect love; you may get hurt as life has no guarantees but if you love yourself; you can love again.
Whoever trusts in his own mind is a fool, but he who walks in wisdom will be delivered.
Proverbs 28:26 ESV
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