LOOKING DEEP INSIDE

LOOKING DEEP INSIDE may be the selfie post for me. I think deep but don’t dwell on any one thing for any length of time. The way my mind works is to move quickly from one thought to another a…

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LOOKING DEEP INSIDE

LOOKING DEEP INSIDE may be the selfie post for me. I think deep but don’t dwell on any one thing for any length of time. The way my mind works is to move quickly from one thought to another and this helps me multi-task pretty doggone good. This morning, however, I thought this might not be as great an asset as I require. How many times have I started to think about my inner self, my inner health, and my inner wealth? In those times, did I exhibit the focus on each subject to accomplish change or a peaceful resolution concerning them? So, selfie on looking deep within myself became the blog message this morning. I found an interesting blog article on 6 Reasons to like yourself so I thought I would concentrate on each one to delve deep about my inner self for today.

6 Reasons to Focus on Liking Yourself, and How to Do It

by HENRIK EDBERG

adsense#Twitter“Nobody will think you’re somebody if you don’t think so yourself.”

African-American proverb

“Self-love is not opposed to the love of others.”

Dr. Karl Menninger

“Happiness is: Looking in a mirror and like what you see .”

Author Unknown

People have a need for affection and being liked. But it’s very easy to make a mistake here and go about it the wrong way. Because while trying to get others to like you may seem like a simple and common solution there is an alternative. One that I find works better.

It is to focus on liking yourself more rather than trying to get people to like you.

Here are six reasons why I put my focus in that place. And after that a brief guide to how you can increase how much you like yourself.

1. Liking yourself gives you power and strength.

If you go for trying to get people to like you you’ll most likely come off as needy and desperate a lot of the time. This is a bad position to put yourself in. Because liking and respecting yourself goes hand in hand with people liking and respecting you.

If you bend to other people all the time then they may like what you do for them. But they may not like you on a deeper level because there is a weakness and lack of confidence and personal power there.

2. People like people who like themselves.

What is attractive to a friend, an employer or a potential partner? To me, it seems like a lot of this boils down to people liking people who like themselves. Someone who likes him/herself is positive, confident, takes care of his/her health and opportunities in school/at work/in life.

3. More inner stability, much less of an emotional rollercoaster.

Getting compliments and being liked is wonderful. The problem is just that if you rely too much on validation from others then you let the outside world, other people, control how you feel. And that can be a real rollercoaster.

Because if you really need the positive validation from people then it’s hard to avoid listening to their negative input. Or you may feel bad when there is a temporary lack in the validation. So what do you do? You let go of focusing on needing that input and replace it with focusing on validating and liking yourself instead.

4. Life becomes more fun and relaxing.

If you like yourself then it becomes natural to just be your best self and let people like the real you. Doing the opposite and trying to get people to like you leads to a lack of honesty in any kind of relationship and life becomes a like walking on egg shells while using different masks with different people.

5. What you think and feel about yourself flows over.

The more you like yourself, the easier it becomes to like, help and be kind to other people. How much you like or do not like yourself flows over into your world.

6. You minimize self sabotage.

If you don’t like yourself, if you deep down don’t really think you deserve what you go after then you will tend to sabotage for yourself. Perhaps in subtle ways. You may get a gut feeling that this success is wrong and so you start doing stuff that screws things up. If you like yourself there will be a lot less self made obstacles in your mind to overcome on your path to success.

How to like yourself more

So, the benefits sound pretty good. But how do you go about changing how you feel about yourself?

Here is a brief but in my experience very effective guide that works in real life.

Do the right thing.

I write about this a lot. That’s because it’s simple thing to keep in mind and if you live it then it can bring your awesome results.

When you do what you think is the right thing then your self esteem goes up. If you just coast then you tend to feel kinda lame about yourself. So do awesome stuff and you feel awesome about yourself. Do ok stuff and feel ok about yourself. This is not always an easy thing. But people who do the right thing get fine inner rewards (and often outer rewards too). What you do tends to correspond to what you get in the long run.

What is the right thing? Well, that’s up to you to decide and it can vary from life to life and situation to situation. Some of the things I think is the right thing to do is to keep my life in order and organized, to workout regularly and take care of my health, to be positive and open, to spend time doing things I really like doing, to get out of my comfort zone and face fears and to be a person of action.

When you do the right thing you like yourself more and so the self sabotage decreases. The standards you set for yourself flows over to your world too. What you accept or don’t accept from yourself is what you tend to accept or not accept from other people.

And what you think and do to the world around you – for example being judgmental or being open and kind – is how you tend to think about yourself and treat yourself too.

Don’t take yourself for granted or focus on the wrong things. Appreciate yourself.

What you do or do not do has a huge effect on how you view yourself and how much you like yourself. But what you focus on in your mind is also important. Because if you do good things but then focus on small faults or failures then that won’t help you.

So make a habit of focusing on appreciating the good things about yourself. Take two minutes right now to think about positive things about you or good things you have done and accomplished. Or take a few minutes tonight to write down five good things about yourself in a journal.

This extends to what you focus on in the world around you too. Because as I mentioned in the previous tip, what you focus on in the people around you tends to be how you see and treat yourself. So you may want to add five or ten things that you appreciate about the people around you to those journal entries and two minute appreciation sessions.

The more you do things like these, the more this kind of thinking will naturally pop up in your everyday life too. You are changing how you think about yourself and what you have a tendency to focus on.

If you found this article helpful, please share it with someone on Twitter and Stumbleupon. Thank you very much! =

Number 6 struck a chord and not necessarily for just me. I decided to paste it again for us to slowly read it and allow it to penetrate our inner self deeply:

6. You minimize self sabotage.

If you don’t like yourself, if you deep down don’t really think you deserve what you go after then you will tend to sabotage for yourself. Perhaps in subtle ways. You may get a gut feeling that this success is wrong and so you start doing stuff that screws things up. If you like yourself there will be a lot less self made obstacles in your mind to overcome on your path to success.

I somehow feel better about digging deep because I have learned to like myself even with my flaws and yes, even with my difficulty in allowing myself due diligence on searching within myself without self sabotage. Today, I think I like me enough to concentrate on tearing down any doubts, conquering any fears, and building good foundations for the future. LIVE LIFE; LOVE LIFE; AND LIVE LIFE TO THE FULLEST BY LOVING YOURSELF AND OTHERS TOO!

(C) COPYRIGHT 2012-2017 Arline Miller with all rights and privileges reserved. Third party materials are sourced to original location for reference credit.

MAKE THE MOST OUT OF YOUR LIFE

MAKE THE MOST OUT OF YOUR LIFE by finding out what makes you happy and do it. I  used to be more active and participated in tennis, walking, dancing, etc. and I should get back to some of the cardio activities (note to self, just do it!). Several of my friends can sing and play instruments and I think that is so cool because I can’t sing a note without thinking I should leave that to others who have the talent. What I can do and what I love to do is write. When I write, I escape to a fictional world where I create characters and a story that usually develops as I go. I know a lot of authors who make outlines, write notes, and their work may be so much better than anything I write; but as Frank Sinatra sang, “I did it my way”. I am happy to say I have published my second novel, TELL ME LIES; LOVE ME STILL.

This being said, I encourage any of my blog readers to participate in life. No matter what your particular love, try to develop your hobby into an active activity. Too many people think about a certain talent as painting but never pick up a brush. One thing I know is I have tried to sing and even though I am not talented in this singular activity, I realized by trying that it isn’t my “gig”. I can crochet but haven’t crocheted in years but I have a niece that I showed a few stitches when she was young and her creations are magnificent and far above anything I created. I can cook with the best of them and I love to cook when I choose to cook but I have no desire to be a chef. However, my daughter and I are collaborating on a cookbook which will take the same recipes with my southern heritage style and her more healthier and some vegan changes so that we have “A little of this and a lot of that”. I get to use several talents as well as her fantastic approach to a healthier lifestyle.

I would like to share a blog message from Nic Ferguson with the link for reference to this great article on using our talents. I think you will enjoy it:

3 Reasons Why You Must Use Your Talents, Now!

If you’re talented, skilled and capable of adding value – which by the way, you are – you need to come off the bookshelf and shine brightly. And you need to do it now!
3-Reasons-Why-You-Must-Use-Your-Talents,-Now!Your life has purpose. And all that’s deposited in you is there for a reason; to make a difference, to leave a positive mark on the world, and to influence those around you so they too can flourish.

In this post I’m going to share 3 reasons why it’s essential as part of your own personal development, and for the good of others, that you use your talents. They are:

You have a responsibility to others
You have a responsibility to yourself
You don’t want to have wasted your life
It’s not inconsequential that you have influence, so you need to be asking yourself the following questions, daily.

Where am I making a contribution?
How am I benefiting others?
What am I doing with my talents?
So what’s the big deal? Why should you be so concerned with discovering and using your talent?

Regardless of whether you’re a person of faith or not, religious texts provide an abundance of useful insights that can help here. One example of this can be found in the Bible.

In the Gospel of Matthew, Jesus tells a story about a property owner who gave three employees a share of his assets before travelling on business. To one he gave five talents*, to another two, and to the third he gave one. Then off he went.

*large unit of money

Upon his return he asked them to account for what they’d accomplished with the talents they received. The first and second servants, those who’d been given five and two talents respectively, had doubled what they’d been apportioned.

Wow!

Understandably, their boss was very pleased with them, and praised them accordingly.

The third employee, however, he was not so pleased with. For when approached to give a report of what he’d done with his one talent, he admitted to having “hidden it in the ground” through fear of what his boss might think.

The end result was not pleasant for this last employee.

In fact, he was swiftly reprimanded and, I’m guessing, in a similar tone to that of Sir Alan Sugar of the popular show The Apprentice, heard the words, “You’re fired.”

Well, something of that nature.

So, what’s the learning in this story?

If you’re the introverted, hesitant, conscious of being misunderstood when putting yourself forward type, then these three points will help you in considering why you need to use your talents.

Equally, if you’re the kind of person more confident in putting yourself forward when you identify a need, it’s also worth reading.

#1. You have a responsibility to others
In recognising your endowments as being gifts, or resources given to you for the purpose of benefiting others, you’ll be freed to acknowledge the onus upon you to use them.

You’ll also feel more comfortable and confident with the idea of moving progressively towards bringing them out of the ground and into the open; no longer shying away through fear of being misunderstood, wrongly perceived, or worse still, getting it wrong – as did the third employee in the bible account.

Consider for a moment what some of your talents are. Furthermore, schedule just 10 minutes across the next few days to make a list of what you’re good at, what comes naturally to you, and what you get excited about.

You may say to yourself:

“I’m good at helping people.”
“I’m good at organizing things.”
“People pay attention to me when I talk.”
“I enjoy entertaining and hosting.”
“I listen well to others.”
“I give good advice.”
“I give encouragement.”
“I have a good sense of humour.”
“I’m creative.”
Whatever your list includes, be sure to recognize the items for what they are. Your talents.

#2. You have a responsibility to yourself
Your life is a treasure to be lived and enjoyed to the full. Sadly, failure to do so results in a lack of genuine joy.

When you’re not doing the ‘thing’ you’re designed to be doing – as evidenced by your list of what you’re good at, what comes naturally to you, and what you get excited about – your existence becomes one marked with frustration and discontent.

In learning to love yourself, again, as a means to being able to effectively love and benefit others, you’re to avoid the wrongful assumption that adding value to your life through the use of your talents, is inherently bad.

Though you need to question your motivations, the mere fact that you do so, is evidence that you’re being rightfully provoked into ensuring that it’s not all about you*, but that you’re striving towards a greater purpose, as seen by the first two employees who made their bosses’ best interest their primary focus.

*A word of warning: to ignore that you seek some benefit from what you do, and to not acknowledge that you have a degree of tainted motivation, is both pious – as it’s a denial of your fallibility – and incongruent.

#3. You don’t want to have wasted your life
How do you want to be remembered? At the end of your life, what is it you want to have accomplished? What do you want your friends, loved ones, and colleagues to be saying about you? How true would those statements be if you were to die today?

When you shop it’s with intent. In going to the bathroom in the morning, though maybe not as considered, you’re subconsciously aware of the desired and likely outcome of your visit. You ensure that both occasions are purposeful.

Why should your life then, that has far greater significance than a visit to the bathroom or a trip to your local shopping centre, be of any less consequence?

It shouldn’t!

And neither does it have to be!

Eleanor Roosevelt said,

When you cease to make a contribution, you begin to die.

Adding to the good of others, and experiencing the resulting joy and rewards that come from sharing your treasure with those who benefit from your contribution, are not simply great motives for expressing your talents, they also give you a reason to exist.

There is nothing wrong with creating opportunity to use your talent, for as we’ve seen, you have a responsibility to do so. There is everything wrong with burying your talent in the ground, for in doing so, you rob yourself and those you influence, of the benefits associated with your contribution to the world.

You owe it to yourself, and to others, to use your talents.

Now!

Your thoughts…

Be Positive in your thoughts and apply the positive energy into your life. LIVE LIFE, LOVE LIFE, AND LIVE LIFE TO THE FULLEST by loving what you do…Until we read again….Arline Miller, Author

(C) Copyright 2012-2017 Arline Miller with all rights and privileges reserved. Third party material is sourced to original location with full reference credit.

Social Media Gone Wrong

How many of you remember your first Facebook post, Tweet, Instagram, Linked In, etc? I can recall the excitement of reaching out past phone calls, personal conversations, and the idea of meeting new friends all over the world was intriguing to say the least. What happened to Social Media? When did the same outlets that brought old classmates together for a catch up session by uploading the old photos of the bands we listened to while dancing at the recreation center? When did insensitive thugs begin to feel relaxed enough to post the most obtrusive snide remarks even about children or people they know absolutely nothing about? Social Media Gone Wrong is the subject of this blog.

Here is an article from techspot in 2013 but it is an interesting take on social media and I feel it is worse today in 2017. The article can be found by clicking on title link.

Survey finds people are less polite on social media than in person
By Shawn Knight on Apr 11, 2013, 11:38 AM 23 comments
Here’s a statement that’s likely to surprise nobody: people are less polite online than they are in person. The revelation comes as part of a recent survey from VitalSmarts which found that 88 percent of respondents agreed with the aforementioned statement while 75 percent say they have seen “good manners” go down the toilet on social media in recent years.
These poor manners often lead to arguments or fights which go unresolved. More than four out of five people said such conversations were never resolved which ultimately led to one in five people having reduced in-person contact with a friend or family member. Some 40 percent of people have blocked, unsubscribed or even unfriended someone over an online dispute. Unsurprisingly, younger people are four times more likely than older adults to have an emotionally-charged conversation on social media sites like Facebook, Twitter and even LinkedIn.
surprise people rude social media
VitalSmarts co-chairman Joseph Grenny said social media platforms allow people to connect with others and strengthen relationships in a way that wasn’t possible before. But at the same time, these platforms are also the default forums for holding high-stakes conversations where people blast each other with polarizing opinions. Those engaged in heated conversations typically have little regard for anyone else that might be reading.
The co-chairman went on to say that social media platforms aren’t the problem; it’s how people are using them that is causing issues and helping to destroy peoples’ most meaningful personal relationships.
Related Reads
Survey finds teens ditching Facebook in favor of Instagram
Survey: The Internet has had a negative impact on morality, good for education and relationships

 

My thoughts are: If we are aware of how harsh the written text can be, we can still get our point across,  while at the same time remembering everyone has the right to not agree with our thoughts. Let us remember if the same words were said about us or our family and/or friends, how would we feel?

LIVE LIFE; LOVE LIFE; LIVE LIFE TO THE FULLEST BY FULLY UNDERSTANDING THE MEANING OF COMPASSION TO OUR FELLOW HUMAN BEINGS.

(C) Copyright 2012-2017 Arline Miller with rights and privileges reserved. Third party material is sourced to original location for credit references.

NEW DAWN, NEW DAY, NEW WAY

NEW DAWN, NEW DAY, NEW WAY is the focus for today in America with the Inauguration of the 45th President of the United States of America. With controversy brewing from some disappointed people and total excitement from all of the ones who support the President Elect, it is speculated to be a historical day. With the first African American President Barack Obama passing the torch to the Non Politician Donald J. Trump, America is watching. The thought of those few minutes where our country has been traditionally peacefully transferred the highest power in the land brings forth a message for the blog about a new dawn, a new day, and a new way.

As you have guessed, I will take the message away from politics into a life lesson for us. With the first light of the day, the rays of the sun working its way in the sky to announce the beginning of a new day and with this projection of light and brightness comes an opportunity to start a new way.

Life can become mundane with the same routine with the same results. I would like to elaborate on my experience. Even as a teenager, I wrote poetry and stories so the talent was present but due to working, I never devoted much time. It was a hit and miss task and a form of escape from my routine. As I became older, it seemed more important to express my thoughts through writing. I began writing “that” book I had talked about writing since I was a young adult. It seemed to take me forever and it almost did! Several years in the making but at some point, I woke up to a new dawn, a new day, and apparently a new way. I began dedicating my nights and especially the weekends to completing the book.

With this change, pages began to multiply and within a year of dedication, the book was not only written, it was published and I had my first book signing. This was one of the most exciting events in my life (birth of my daughter being at the top of the list) and it spurred another new dawn, new day, and new way and now the second book is published. It solidified that changing the routine and accepting change has proved to be a productive addition. I will continue to look for new days and ways to enhance my life. Writing the blog is for another day’s blog and I am willing to share how applying the same dedication worked.

Here is an except from an article THREE SIMPLE STEPS TO CHANGE YOUR ENERGY.

Stephanie Zamora Huffington Post 05/08/2014

Three Simple Steps to Change Your Energy

1) Change your environment.

One of the easiest things you can do to transform your energy is to make changes to your environment!

If the energy of a past relationship still lingers in your home, causing you grief and sadness, change things up! Get yourself a brand new comforter, some brightly colored throw pillows you love and paint the walls. Bring in fresh flowers, play a completely new kind of music and declutter. Hang new photos and buy yourself new dishes.

If work leaves you feeling crappy at the end of each day, make a change to your environment where you can… such as your commute home. If you drive, buy a hilarious comedian’s CD or a fun and lighthearted audio book, even if you’re drive is only 10 minutes. Buy yourself some super comfy driving slippers (fuzzy, of course), keep a healthy after work treat in the glove box and maybe get some new colorful seat covers.

Even something as simple as changing the wallpaper on your computer or smartphone can immediately alter your energy. We’re creatures of habit, which means we quickly become accustomed to certain things in our space. Without realizing it, we also attach memories to, and trap energy within, colors, smells, images, sounds, lightness and darkness in our environment.

By changing something as simple as your comforter or desktop background, you create a disconnect that allows your brain to start rewiring your emotions and dissipate the negative energy associated.

2) Change your location.

This is all about mixing things up and creating a new environment for yourself. Sure, sometimes it might mean moving to a new job or apartment, but it doesn’t have to be a big to-do!

Start taking the peaceful, scenic route home from work. Maybe instead of heading straight home, you stop off at the gym, a coffee shop or a friend’s house. Instead of shopping at the same grocery store, mix it up and hit a different brand name or just visit another neighborhood’s farmer’s market.

By physically changing your location, you open your senses up to new experiences, smells, sights and sounds. Again, being creatures of habit, we tend to fall into routines that keep us stuck in a cycle that feeds negative energy. By changing things up, you’re forced to create new experiences, meet new people, see new things and, most importantly, get out of your routine!

When you begin to disrupt your mindless routines, you start to open up. Opening up helps you to release old energy and attract new, positive energy.


3) Change your mindset.

This is about more than just “think happy thoughts,” though I highly recommend you practice positive thinking. It’s about creating the space and opportunity for new ideas and growth. Growth forces us to release limiting beliefs and try out new ways of thinking, being and processing our world.

If you’re feeling stuck or unhappy, get out there and learn something new. Read a book about cultivating amazing relationships, starting a business around your passion or how to be happy for no reason. Take a class, workshop or hire a coach or counselor. Take action towards learning a new way to view, process and work through situations.

ALL of the most transformational changes in my life can be traced back to simple mindset shifts such as positive thinking, forgiveness, compassion, trusting in the universe, listening to my intuition first and taking personal responsibility for everything that manifests in my life. Learning a new way to look at any feeling or situation will immediately transform the energy that surrounds it, and your life.

It is a NEW DAWN, NEW DAY, AND HOPEFULLY A NEW WAY! May we symbolize this special day in America as our personal day to make positive changes in our lives. Live Life; Love Life; and Live Life to the fullest by being a positive person!

Photo of Sunrise courtesy of Mark Lott 2015

(C) Copyright 2012-2017 Arline Miller with rights and privileges reserved. Third party material sourced to the original location for reference credit.

WHEN WE EXPECT EXPECTED HURT

WHAT HAPPENS WHEN WE EXPECT EXPECTED HURT? I realize this is a seemingly absurd play on words, but please be patient as there is a good message to learn from this topic. I see so many young and even older people being hurt from relationships, and this is not saying I have been exempt from relationships gone wrong in the past. Maybe it is because I am older and hopefully a little wiser. The jury may be still out on that one; but I am hopeful on the verdict anyway. I thought I would share a thought on how we may set ourselves up by expecting to be hurt again; we place ourselves in the very situation to be hurt again.

Let us look at this concept of expecting expected hurt in an abstract way as it will seem more impersonal and it may open some thought process otherwise blocked by emotions. I was diagnosed a couple of years ago with diabetes. Thankfully, due to a lot of life changes, it is managed. Each morning, I have to prick my finger to monitor my glucose. Even though it is a small prick from the end of my finger or the side of my thumb where nerves are abundant; it hurts more than I think a small prick should. Each morning, I know this prick will hurt and I expect it to hurt so for some reason, I have become accepting of this pain as I realize it is necessary for the purpose it serves. In a nutshell, since I expect pain; it seems more comfortable than a new kind of pain.

I used this example for the definition of an “expected hurt” and now we can look at expected hurt in relationships. I am sharing a fictitious story, but it could be a real one, about a young lady in her early 40’s and from this story, I feel you can understand the “emotional set up” we can throw ourselves into if we aren’t careful. During this gorgeous lady’s marriage, her husband cheated on her. This devastated her and followed her after the divorce. The next event is the tie to this topic. Left vulnerable, she found attention by a man who showered affection and they became involved. She didn’t ask the right questions until she developed feelings for this man and the truth came out….He was married. The next year was filled with highs and lows; unfulfilled promises; statements of love; bouts of breaking up because he and his wife were talking and maybe working it out; and then he returns to start this vicious cycle again. I ask you now; are you feeling compassion for this lady; are you feeling anger for her seeing a married man; are you seeing yourself in her situation; or are you wanting to hit the guy over his head for cheating on his wife?

Now for the deeper thought……This is a very important and painful vision of how we, as humans, sometimes find it more comfortable, even as painful and hurtful as a situation like this can become. We accept it because for whatever reason; if we expect expected hurt; we find ourselves cushioned for the hurt. Believe me; it is coming when we set ourselves up. Why wouldn’t it be simpler to expect expected love and hold ourselves accountable for our own actions. Improve life by improving what we expect out of life. If you expect hurt; you will get hurt. If you expect love; you may get hurt as life has no guarantees but if you love yourself; you can love again.

Whoever trusts in his own mind is a fool, but he who walks in wisdom will be delivered.

Proverbs 28:26 ESV

(c) copyright 2012-2016 Arline Lott Miller. The material here copyrighted, use only by permission. Third party material sourced if known to original location for reference credit.